you can't go home
by racejunkie
Summary: ***Entry for Jasper's Naughty Girl's Best Domination Ever contest***When the reason for Jasper’s existence is gone, he returns to the life he had left behind. Even then he can’t escape the memory of what he did. MA


Penname: racejunkie

Title: You Can't Go Home

Summary: Entry for Best Domination Ever contest. When the reason for Jasper's existence is gone, he returns to the life he had left behind. Even then he can't escape the memory of what he did. Vamps MA

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Contest: Best Domination Ever Contest

"Alice, when do you see Jasper coming out of this?" Carlisle asked Alice. When she shook her head, he sighed. "Don't blame yourself, sweetheart. He probably just hasn't made up his mind what he's going to do. I guess all we can do is wait."

Alice could feel the venom welling up in her eyes and, for once, wished she could cry. She had never seen her ex-husband in this kind of condition, not even when he had first escaped from Maria. She walked over to his bed and sat down beside him. She ran her fingers through his hair and leaned down. It hurt her to see this strong man curled up in a fetal position, like he was trying to hold himself together. She knew that wasn't far from the truth. "Jasper?" she whispered. "It's ok, we're here to help you." When she didn't get a response, she ran from the room, dry-sobbing.

She stopped when Edward stepped out in front of her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and then pulled her against his chest. "Alice, it wasn't your fault. You know that. He should've known better than to try it on his own." He knew she was ate up with guilt over not seeing what had happened. He had been against Jasper's plans from the beginning and he was pissed that one selfish act had torn his family apart. "Come on, Alice. Let's go join the family for a hunt. You can bring Jasper back something."

Finally everyone left Jasper alone and he was grateful. It didn't help his own sorrow when he could feel everyone else's. He knew that his family's existence had been horribly altered and he was to blame. Suddenly he knew what he had to do. He quickly got out of bed and jumped in the shower. It had been weeks since he had bathed and he allowed himself a brief moment of pleasure as the hot water poured down his body.

He scrubbed his body, wishing he could scour the feeling of hopelessness out of his being. When it didn't work, he finally stepped out of the shower. He slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He pulled on his boots and threw his leather jacket on. He started out the door but knew he had to leave a note for his family. He owed them that much.

He found a pen and paper, trying to decide what he wanted to say. He thought a minute and then began to write.

Dearest family,

I have decided to go away. Please understand and respect my decision. It is all too much for me to handle. I want you all to know how much it has meant to me that you accepted me into the family. Please don't come looking for me.

I'm so, so sorry.

Jasper Whitlock

He wanted to go back to using his real name since he wouldn't be part of the Cullen family anymore. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the scents of the parents, brothers and sisters that he had come to love. Even without his vampire memory, he would never forget them.

He walked out the front door and entered the garage. He jumped on his bike and took off down the road. He was pushing the bike to its limit, wanting to put as much distance between him and Forks as he could. He knew Alice would've seen his decision and he couldn't risk them finding him.

It didn't take long for Jasper to reach his destination. He couldn't help the rush of adrenaline when he caught her scent. It was the same one he had smelled when he first woke up to this life. His creator, Maria.

He looked around the desert and saw her speaking with another male vampire. He knew she sensed him when she slowly turned around. This was it, there was no turning back even if he wanted to. She began walking towards him slowly, as if she didn't believe what her vampire eyes were telling her. In a few minutes she was standing next to him and lifted her hand to touch the scar she had made on his neck. He knew it was her way of claiming him.

"Major?" she whispered. "You've come back to me?"

Jasper closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. He answered her with one word. "Yes."

Maria began clapping her hands in excitement. Jasper knew that she needed him to train her newborn army. He had heard that the vampire she had now wasn't worth a fuck. She lost more newborns within her ranks than she did fighting them against other armies. It was like he had stepped back in time and he was glad. He could tell himself that he had never left, had never found a family and had never found his mate. His soul knew it was a lie, but he hoped he could fake out his brain. He just needed to get into the mindset that he was the most feared vampire in their world and just go with it. This was his life now.

He straightened his shoulders and stepped away from Maria. She recognized the look falling across his face and knew the Major was back. Mexico could be hers again. "Follow me," she told him and walked away.

Jasper didn't know where she was leading him but had his eyes trained on the terrain around them. He soon found a hidden entrance leading down into the ground. Maria pulled back a huge boulder and jumped down a hole the rock had been covering. Jasper stepped off the edge and landed some twenty feet below. He looked around and was surprised at all the activity going on around them.

"Welcome to your new home, Major." Maria was trying to act coy. She wanted Jasper in her bed. There had never been another male that could do to her what he could. She had gone through many, many men trying to find a substitute, but always failed.

Jasper looked down at her and smirked. He could feel her lust and he knew she hadn't changed. She had always used her body like it was a reward for a job well done. But he knew that if anyone was being rewarded, it was her.

Maria grabbed Jasper's arm, pulling him down a hallway and stopped in front of a closed door. "This is your room, mine is right across the hall. I thought you would feel more at home with me so close to you."

Jasper opened the door and took a sharp breath. This was his old room. Nothing had changed except for the location. He walked around the room, his eyes not missing a thing. He stopped in front of his old Confederate uniform hanging on a wall and fingered the blood on the collar. It was his blood. He had been wearing this uniform when Maria changed him.

He turned back to Maria and noticed the lust in her eyes. "I was hoping you would wear it one day for me. I'll never forget the day I first saw you. You were so handsome and such a gentleman."

"Those days are over, Maria. It's all in the past. I'm here to forget the past and begin my future," Jasper growled. The last thing he wanted to do was start a trip down memory lane. It all led to the same place, a place he wanted to put behind him.

Maria moved to his side, using her vampire speed. She began rubbing his arm. "What happened, Jasper? What brought you back to me?" she cooed.

Jasper had her by the throat, pushed up against the wall in a blink of an eye. He let the Major come out in full force. "Listen, bitch. I'm fucking here…that's all you need to be concerned about. Don't fucking _ever_ ask me about my life after I left you the first time. Get this straight, I'm not going to be your boy-toy and we're not going to be fucking. I'm here to train your newborns and that's all. Do you fucking understand?" Jasper's teeth were clenched so hard, he could barely get the words out. The anger was rolling off of him in waves.

He could feel Maria's fear and loosened his grip on her until her feet were back on the ground. She tried to pull herself together as she straightened out her clothes. "Sure Major, just thought you might want to talk." Jasper growled. "I can see you don't, so why not get right to work," she quickly added.

Maria walked out the door and Jasper followed her. He memorized the path they took below. He knew that was where he would be doing the turning and the training. She stopped in front of the same male vampire that had been talking to outside. "Riley, this is the Major. Major, this is Riley."

Riley's eyes widened in surprise as Jasper tilted his head to him in acknowledgement. From his expression and emotions, Jasper knew the man had heard of him before.

Maria pushed Riley out of the way. "We're going to get started. You need to watch if you want to learn how an expert does it."

Days and nights blended together as Jasper trained Maria's newborns. He had his hands full with the unstable vampires. He was leaning against the railing on the balcony, watching a pair of newborns fighting each other. When one of the newborns ripped off the head of the other one, Jasper saw red. "Dammit, Riley! Why weren't you watching this one? How many fucking times do I have to tell you? There's not going to be any newborns left if you don't step up and do what you're told!" he yelled. Jasper didn't know where Maria found his ass, but he was sure that she should've drained him.

Riley stared at him, pissed that the Major would reprimand him in front of others. He was the one that Maria counted on to train her army, but that changed when the Major showed up.

Jasper could feel Riley's anger and jumped from the balcony, landing in front of Riley. "What pussy? Got something to say?" he sneered. He gave Riley a shove and smirked when he heard a growl start in the younger man's chest. "Got something to prove to Maria?" he shoved him again. He was ready when Riley crouched down and jumped at him.

"Fuck you, mother-fucker! Why don't you go back to your animal-loving family?" "What did you do, disappoint the family?" Riley's anger stemmed from the fact that Maria would make this vegetarian his superior.

Jasper's vision blurred as he met Riley in the air and grabbed him by the neck, slamming him into the wall. He couldn't see anything but the vampire in front of him. "You don't know a fucking thing about me. I should tear you apart right now," he gritted his teeth, venom dripping from his lips.

Riley pried Jasper's hands off of his neck but he wasn't quick enough. He found himself on his knees with his head pushed down. From all outward appearances, he looked like he was bowing to Jasper. His eyes flashed when he saw Jasper unzip his pants. He pulled his cock out and began stroking it.

"Now Riley, this is what we're going to do. You're going to open that smart-ass mouth of yours and put it to good use," Jasper purred as he sent waves of lust and desire to the kneeling man. He chuckled when he noticed Riley's eyelids flutter. He grabbed his cheeks and squeezed. "Open up," he ordered. "Now!"

Riley eyed Jasper's hardened cock and licked his lips. He knew that he didn't want to do this, but couldn't help himself. He groaned when Jasper ran the tip of his length across his lips.

"Open," was all Jasper said as he pushed the head of his cock between Riley's lips. He made sure to keep the lust and desire flowing. He thrust hard until he felt the back of his throat. A growl escaped his lips as he began to thrust harder and harder. He grabbed Riley by the hair and moved faster.

"That's it," he murmured. It had been so long since something other than his own hand had brought him release. Maria tried many times to seduce him, but he shot her down every time.

It didn't take long before he felt himself closer to the edge. "Suck harder," he snarled. He knew he was getting ready to cum so he pushed his cock in Riley's throat as far as he could and felt his release come in long, hard spurts. He pulled out and, once again, ran the head of his cock along Riley's wet lips. "I forgive you," was all he said as he turned and zipped his pants. He had shown the boy who was in charge.

He heard a roar behind him and quickly spun around and caught Riley by the throat. He lowered his mouth to his neck and whispered in his ear. "I knew you were a dumb-ass." He sank his teeth and tore Riley's head from his shoulders. "Don't try that again," he said as he tossed the head across the room. Maria would get over it as soon as the body fused back together again.

Jasper knew that Maria had some humans she was wanting turned so he walked over a cage that was in the middle of the room. She enjoyed torturing the humans and this was one way she did it. They had to watch everything that was going to be their future.

As he entered it, Jasper saw the humans move to the back of the cage. He knew they were afraid, he could feel their fear. He unlocked the door and grabbed a female. Jasper avoided looking into her face as he picked her up and carried her to a small room. He pushed her into the wall and sank his teeth into her neck. As her blood rushed into his mouth, he didn't hear her screams. Images he couldn't stop flashed in his mind.

_Jasper leaned on the doorframe watching as Bella stood at the sink drying what was left of the dishes. The Chief and the wolves from LaPush had gone home after scarfing down the New Year's dinner Bella had spent all day preparing. He smiled to himself as she started swaying her hips, humming to a Black Crowes cd. He chuckled when he heard her singing "Too Hard to Handle." He had decided that he would turn her tonight, something that she had waited patiently, or not so patiently, for. The only request she had had was to not be aware that it was going to happen. She just wanted him to bite her when he felt ready. _

_He couldn't help himself as he walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. Bella jumped in surprise before she felt herself relax and leaned back against Jasper's chest. He could feel her love for him surround them and pushed his own back at her. He moved his hand underneath her half-shirt and cupped one of her breasts. She closed her eyes and moaned as he twisted her nipple between his finger and thumb. The sounds he evoked from her always went straight to his cock. He could smell her arousal and it only made him harder._

"_Do you want me, darlin'?" he whispered in her ear, blowing gently. His tongue followed the outline of her ear and down her neck. He licked her pulse point and smiled when he felt Bella shudder. _

_She could only nod her head, but Jasper wasn't going to accept that. He spun her around so she was facing him and ran his hands down her arms. "Answer me, Bella. Do you want me?" He placed his hands on her hips and lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He wanted her to feel what she did to him._

"_Fuck yes!" she growled, grinding her wet core against his hardness. _

_Jasper smiled against her neck. She was so fucking sexy when she growled. He carried her to their bedroom and gently placed her in the middle of the bed. Bella got on her knees and started to rip his shirt off. He placed his hands over his, stilling them._

_Bella lifted her head and quirked a perfectly shaped eyebrow. He chuckled when he felt her confusion. This was going to be the last time he would experience her warmth and he wanted to make it last. "No rush tonight, baby. I want to make sweet love to you." _

"_I love you Jasper, with everything I am," she whispered._

"_Me too, darlin'." _

_He wrapped an arm around her and laid her back down on the bed. He ran his nose through her hair, inhaling the lavender scent that was a part of his Bella. He lightly placed kisses around her face, ending at her lips. She automatically parted them and moaned when she felt his tongue gently wrap around her own. He could feel her sucking on his tongue and a groan escaped into her mouth. _

_He began kissing down her neck and chest. He wrapped his lips around one of her nipples, twirling his tongue around the hardened tip. He used the pads of his fingers to swipe back and forth across her other peak. He could feel her hands caressing his back and reveled in her gentle touch. Only she could make him forget about his past, or at least keep it in the past._

_His lips trailed down her stomach and he ran his tongue from hip to hip. Bella fisted her hands in his hair and her body writhed on the bed. Jasper loved that she was so responsive to his touch. He kissed a path down to the apex between her legs and took a deep breath. As much as he loved her lavender scent, this aroma was what dreams were made of. He ran his hands down her thighs and gently pulled them apart. His fingers slowly parted her lower lips and he gently nipped at her swollen clit._

_Bella's body arched off the bed and Jasper placed his arm across her hips. He ran his tongue around the edge of her core before thrusting it in her soft folds. "Oh…that feels…so…good…Jasper," she panted. She pulled his face closer, grinding against his lips and tongue._

_Jasper pushed two fingers in her as he sucked on her clit. He curled his fingers and felt Bella lose herself around him. He could feel her walls clenching around her fingers and lightly bit down on her clit. Her body started jerking as he lapped up the wetness that was streaming out of her. _

_Bella pulled his face up to hers and licked his lips, tasting herself on him. That only made Jasper even harder. "Are you ready for me, baby?" he murmured against her mouth. When she nodded, Jasper slowly pushed his cock into her, moaning as he felt her warmth surround him. He clasped her hands and held them at the sides of her head. He had never felt as close to her as he did at that moment._

"_Do you feel it, Bella?" he whispered in her ear. "Do you feel how much I love you?"_

"_Do you feel it, Jasper," she returned. "Do you feel how much I love you?"_

_Jasper stared into the brown eyes of the woman he loved. He slowly pulled out until just the head of his cock was in her. He pushed back into her and repeated this until they both couldn't take it anymore._

"_Faster, Jasper," she pleaded with him. "Please…"_

_Jasper stopped his movements, wanting this moment in time to freeze. He was sheathed in the heat of his love. Bella's impatience pulled him out of his thoughts and he smirked at her. "Hold on, baby." He started to thrust in and out of her and when he knew she was on the edge, he whispered in her ear. "Happy New Year, darlin'. I love you."_

_The minute he felt her walls milking him, he let out a roar. He felt the world spin as he leaned down and sank his teeth into her neck. His release seemed to last forever and when it was finally over, he realized what he had done. Bella's body lay limp in his arms. Anguish and horror was all he felt. He knew they were his own feelings because his Bella wasn't capable of feeling anything anymore._

Jasper roared as he threw the body in his arms against the wall. He had drained her just like he had drained his one true love. He sank down to his knees as the realization that never again would he be able to look into her dark brown eyes and see the love she held for him. Never again would he feel her soft body wrapped around his. Never again would he hear the words "I love you" come out of her sweet mouth and never again would he be able to tell her the same thing. There was nothing left for him.

Bella Whitlock was dead.

Jasper Whitlock was dead.

Only the Major remained. "Next!" the monster roared.

**A/N well…what do you think about my little o/s entry? Think I've got a chance? lol Make sure you go vote at jaspersnaughtygirls(dot)blogspot(dot)com. no www…there's a link to where you can read the other entries. voting begins may 2nd and ends may 9th!**

**Please review and let me know what you think.**


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